House M.D.

Chase: „You were right.“
House: „Now there went three wasted words.“

You know how they say, „you can’t live without love“? Well, oxygen is even more important.

Everybody lies.

Cameron: Sex…could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly, and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun…the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. You know women can have an hour long orgasm?

Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it’s great, but so you know, I’ve never made a tree

You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a….I cant think of a non-sexual metaphor.

No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate.

Cameron: „Men should grow up.“
House: „Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It’s not going to happen.“

Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again.

Ah, my birthday. Normally I’d put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the Sun one more time; I really didn’t think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn’t the little planet that could all over again.

You want to know how two chemicals interact. Do you ask them? No, they’re going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.

House: „You ever see an infected pierced scrotum?“
Cuddy: „Um, no, but I know a few people on whom I’d like to see it happen.“

Twenty-year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their oil filters. Which they should do more often.

Tritter: „Merry Christmas.“
House: „Happy go to hell.“

My life is just one horror after another.

I was curious. Since I’m not a cat, that’s not dangerous.

How come God gets credit whenever something good happens? Where was he when her heart stopped?

Seventeen’s a stupid number.

Someone’s gonna be miserable sometime. Accept it. That’s how I stay so happy.

Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.

People don’t change. For example, I’m gonna keep on repeating ‘people don’t change’.

Don’t blame me, blame my gender.

Cuddy: „You mind if I come in?“
House: „Not at all. Do you mind if I leave?“

You can’t hide from misery.

Just because you can’t feel pleasure doesn’t mean you don’t want it.

Please. Get a girlfriend or a life or something. For me.

Silent and unhappy is better than vocal and unhelpful.

Just because we call something ‘poison’, doesn’t mean it’s bad for you.

Our job is to find what’s killing patients, not treat them for chronic idiocy.

If your life’s no more important than anyone else’s, sign your donor card and kill yourself.

I’m physically incapable of being polite.

You’re right; I’m a jerk.

No rush; already bathed once this week, wouldn’t want to look elitist.

Taub: „Assuming you’re right.“
House: „Yes, I find it confusing to assume otherwise.“

My old boss. And by ‘old’ I don’t mean ‘former’.

So the man of God who doesn’t believe in God had a heart attack that wasn’t a heart attack. Do I know how to pick awesome case or what?

So the fact that it makes no sense makes sense?

I’m incapable of acting like a human being.

I think my penis stopped breathing; Do you know CPR?

I need a script for sleeping pills. Neighbor’s dog has been keeping me awake, and is strangely invulnerable to poison.

Time for a celebratory scotch… or three.

Her lips say no, but her hormones say ‘Oh my God, yes, more’.

Don’t ask why people lie, just assume they all do.

Words can hurt.

Welcome to the world. Everyone’s different, everyone gets treated different.

You can’t always get what you want.

You could think you’re wrong, but that’s no reason to stop thinking.

Love makes you do stupid things.


The truth begins in lies. Think about it.

-Things don’t always work out for the best.
-Doesn’t hurt to hope they do.

Can you love a person and do that to them?

We all make mistakes. And we all pay a price.

-Marriages don’t fail because couples get bored. They fail because while they’re dating, people pretend to be the person they think their partner wants. And then… well, there’s only so long you can keep that up.
-Maybe they *are* that person while they’re dating, but then they change.
-People thinking their partner will change – that’s another reason marriages fail. People don’t change. At least not in a way that really matters.

-I’ve got the plague?
-Don’t worry, it’s treatable. Being a bitch, though – nothing we can do about that.

-So, I’m kinda weird?
-We’re all kinda weird…

House: PET scan done?
Cameron: No.
House: You’ve come for my feelings? Cause I left them in my other pants…

Cameron: You’re insane!!
House: I’m an insane genius!!

Cameron: It’s *just* sex. (about her and Chase)
Foreman: There’s no such thing.
Cameron: You’re saying women can’t separate the physical from the emotional?
Foreman: No one does it well.

-How could she hide this?
-Everyone has secrets.

Rational arguements don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there would be no religious people.

-You’re an atheist!!
-Only on Christmas and Easter – the rest of the time it doesn’t really matter.

There are three choices in this life: be good, get good or give up.

Dying’s easy, living’s hard!!

The more you know someone, the more you should love them.

Wilson: Why do women always do that? Create ridiculous standards that no human being could meet. With your career, with your kids. You gotta be more like us, men!!
Cuddy: You mean lazy? Blame others?
Wilson: Get help!! Most men on your position have a deputy and two assistants at work, a wife and two nannies at home… You’re not superwoman. Don’t be a martyr.

We’re all a little freaked out. We go home… we just wanna hug someone, we just wanna know everything’s gonna be okay.

-I need to know what this is.
-I told you – it’s just… two people having fun.
-There’s two possible outcomes: it ends, someone gets hurt or it doesn’t end… someone gets hurt.
-So? The end sucks – doesn’t mean the beginning has to. Everything ends – life ends. It doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy it.

No matter what I did, I just wasn’t good enough. But she… She didn’t care how smart I was or what I’m gonna accomplish in the future. It was the first time in my life that I was really happy. So I decided I would rather be happy than smart.

-How are you felling?
-Not good…
-Anything I can do?
-Just… don’t go.
-I’m not going anywhere.

-I just want us to be friends.
-Funny… That’s the last thing I want us to be.

-You think I can fix myself?
-I don’t know.
-I’m the most screwed-up person in the world.
-I know. I love you.

I don’t want you to change. I know you’re screwed up. I know you are *always* gonna be screwed up. But you’re the most incredible man I’ve ever known. And you are *always* gonna be the most incredible man I’ve ever known.

I need to find something we both like doing. Besides each other.

Nothing is ever over.

… and men love commitment-free sex.

Women suggest a break when they wanna break-up. Men do it because they wanna have sex with other women before they settle down.

Relax. I’m *probably* not gonna fall apart.

I’ve found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask.

They didn’t break me. I am broken

Successes only last until someone screws them up. Failures are forever.

People don’t get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There’s nothing any of us can do about it.

Disappointment is anger for wimps.


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